just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
