So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
