After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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