So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You may now shotgun with the bride
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
