HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
