Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Are we still banned from the library?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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