every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
