dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
