i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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