I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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