We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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