Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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