Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
