If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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