i just had sex bonerless
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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