He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
