So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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