Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
