Your dad touched me again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
