im drinking this country out of the recession.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
