She went from zero to smokin in five shots
thus making me awesome and them whores
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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