John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
