he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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