Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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