In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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