You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
