Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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