return my video game
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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