my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
