I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
