Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
