mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
