lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize