I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
