we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
