When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
