if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
