I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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