he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
