His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
