My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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