omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
