my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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