I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
