it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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