I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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