So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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