After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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