I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
