life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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