Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
