Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize