i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
