Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
