I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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