is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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