Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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