Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You are the jesus of drinking
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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