ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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