I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
