his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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