The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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