You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sorry about my life...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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