OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
