i just wanna soil my oats bro
just tell him i said nine months
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The power of my boobs compel you
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
