ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
