Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
