i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
