I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize