well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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