all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
