just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
