Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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