Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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