I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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