i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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