Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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