He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
