a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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