Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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