i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Someone signed my nipple.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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