It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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