I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
