dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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