My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
